I got the recordings from Nathan, the sound guru, from our June Union Cross Cafe, so I thought I’d post them on here. The drums do not come across very clearly, so the balance is a bit off, but I hope you enjoy! (I will post Anazao, Bethany, and Sacred Revolution recordings on the Union Cross Cafe blog….Joseph Tatum’s recordings were not supplied to me as of yet.)

My All (featuring Anazao and Dennis Renfroe’s brass trio)

Prayer of the Broken

The Beauty in Silence

I Am Yours (featuring my sisnlaw Tara Reich on violin)

Sing Again

I’ve been obsessed with looking for pillows for my room. I found them, after months of searching…at etsy.com! Oh, how I love etsy.com.

So I have had a lot of people ask what “style” my music would be called.  Hmm…good question.  It’s a blend of jazz, broadway, pop, folk, polka, rock, with a twist of Andiration.  So instead of trying to make up some word like jabropfolkarockz….

how about “Rock’n'lull”?  Being that I have been a nanny in the past, and I write a lot of ballads…it just seems appropriate.  Especially when I have a band behind me.  That’s rock’n'lull. 

Like next Sunday is gonna rock.  Sunday morning worship is gonna rock’n'lull.  I will have organ, YES, organ played by the magnificent Maribeth Jennings, and my back-up singers are the very fantabulous Bethany Women’s Trio! 

So get ready, CWCers, cuz our church is gonna rock’n'lull.  Okay, I know I’ve already overused this term, but how else am I gonna make it stick??

On Sunday morning  I was running late.  I woke up a bit fuzzy with a dull headache and churning stomach.  It could be that the outpouring of tears from the previous evening had caused this throbbing.  Or perhaps it was the combination of pizza and barbeque from the dual parties preceding the tears.  In any event, I arrived at church a bit pieced together.  It turns out that this was representative of the rest of our congregation.

Service began as usual, with the welcome of handshakes and hugs as well as songs to lift up in worship.  I sang through my receding aches, surrounded by youth and young adults.  As Larry, founder of the Hoover Walk, took the mic to share about the results of this year’s walk for World Hope, I felt a shift in the air.  Today would be different.  Today we were on the brink of recognizing a need….and sharing it on our knees and in our speech.

Larry’s speech was purcilating with praise and humble gratitude.  It is no question that the Holy Spirit was guiding us towards a moment of corporate awe.  Soon after, a young adult took the mic.  It had been some time since this man had shared in worship, which he acknowledged openly.  What proceeded was a very genuine admission of anguish from sin.  “Confessions”, he titled his poetry.  We didn’t obtain dirty details, but it was obvious he was offering apology with traces of God’s grace. 

As he stepped down, my heart began crying out, “please someone go to him. God, send a man to surround him!”  In that very thought, a man stopped him in the middle of the aisle and embraced him, tears streaming down his face.  A line from a Watermark song entered my head “Lord, send us rushing.”  Before my pastor could finish his caring statement from the pulpit, my sister-in-law stood up.   She shared how she had been praying for our church to be shaken up so that we could realize our need….and how, indeed, we have been.  People stood up sporadically, giving testimonies and presenting heartaches.  Some stood up and admitted desire to be changed and awaken from “sleep.” 

The night prior to this event, I shared with a fellow young adult woman about my own brokenness.  I was sideblinded at a party of primarily couples.  Most of them I didn’t know, so my single self stood out like an ostrich among cattle.  Or maybe a peacock among cattle…I was wearing some pretty bright colors.  Something as simple as this caused me to spill years of pain and past offenses.  I shared with her years of jumping between silent confusion and impulsive pacification.  It seems that I have been awakening this last month from a sleeping giant.  There is something unresolved in my life that I have handled so poorly in the past.  I held it inside for so long, thinking it was too painful to share, that when I attempted to express it with people for the first time, I exploded with angry aversion.  I jumped straight from offense to anger without passing hurt. 

I have been experiencing the echoes of hurt for the last year.  I’m not angry about it anymore.  I just realize now how much this unresolved issue has mutilated my spirit and given misconception to the communities in which I have lived. 

Isn’t that sometimes how brokenness occurs?  We pack away pain, which may leak out in forms of rebellion or addiction, until we can run no longer.   Enraged at how we’ve handled it, we jump over grieving and attack those who have ignored or caused the pain.  Something shakes us out of our stupor and reveals how broken we really are inside. 

I would be ashamed to admit how many people I have offended in my attempts to avoid admission of hurt.  However, I know that I have.  I am pretty certain we all have.

I would venture to say that somewhere in our young lives, we all experience a heart-shattering moment.  Disappointment does not sit well unless it is replaced with an appointment.  Even though this is going to sound extremely cheesy, I’m gonna share it.   I have heard it said before that our disappointments are God’s appointments.  Whether brought to Him in the instant of heartbreak or years later after bitter resignation…

 God is a mender of brokenness.  Sacrificing His Son, Jesus Christ, was the very expression of mending.  This is ultimate reconciliation!  If He can mend such a great rift between us and Him, I am certain He is able to mend the rifts we have built between us.  It starts with recognizing our hurt and our need.  And that is exactly what occured Sunday morning.  Our church was shaken, and with our mending will come an outpouring of genuine testimony and evangelism.  I’m so excited.  God is AWESOME!

“Divine appointment,” Sue said as I swallowed the last bite of my organic salad. Swollen with joy, I gulped the urge to explode in every way God had ordered the events leading to this day. Instead, I grinned and spoke an emphatic, “YES!” I was baffled, yet never more certain of the faithfulness of my Creator.

In the last month, I have received prophecies as well as the fulfillment of prophecies. I have seen answers to prayers that were spoken many years ago. Revelations have become an everyday occurrence.

And the sticking point is here: this is only the beginning. There is more to be revealed, more to be fulfilled, and more to claim! God, be praised!!!! God, You are so amazing. I am forever in Your care.

I kinda dislike steps.  At the bottom staring up to the top of hundreds, it’s easy to wonder how long it will take to plateau out.

But today I was so peacefully encouraged by Dr. Jo Ann Lyon’s testimony.  I don’t think I could quote anything she said today, but I took in every word.  The luncheon was incredible, surrounded by 65 women and the Holy Spirit.  Evidently, Dr. Lyon has climbed a collection of steps to take her to this present place of influence.  She may not have seen the importance of each odd job or move, but God was laying a path for her to affect the heart of His church.  As the founder and chair of World Hope International as well as the newly elected General Superintendent (i.e. “pope”) of the Wesleyan Church, she leads in compassion and determination.

I love how God leads.  Sometimes it’s so gentle, like a nudge.  Other times it is a flood, forcing us in the way His water sends us.  Dr. Lyon made a point that I really think is great.  We have two choices in these situations.  Resignation and relinquishment.  Relinquishment opens ourselves up for God to fully use us.  Resignation, like a closed fist, fights everything off…even the good stuff.

What step are you on right now?  Do you know where it’s leading, or are you completely baffled?

Proverbs 12:1 (NIV)

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge,
but he who hates correction is stupid.

I recall laughing upon reading that verse as a young teenager. My pale pink NIV Student Bible, still shiny and nightly protected by the equally shiny cardboard box it came in, shed a comedic light on a serious subject. At least, in my youth I found the latter part of the verse funny. It was such a harsh dig that I envisioned it as a line in some teen movie like Clueless. Today, I read that verse and shudder a bit. 29 years old, and I still have difficulty dealing with criticism.

Not all criticism is healthy or constructive; that I acknowledge and must differentiate according to the circumstances. In the classroom or studio, I have received advice and teaching with a critical eye that has been given in love so that I may learn and advance. Mostly, I have appreciated and accepted this form of criticism. This form was expected. If I ask for assistance, then typically I realize my need and am more able to take the medicine.

It is the other forms that I struggle to accept or to discard. Sometimes I have difficulty discerning the heart of these other forms. I cannot tell you how many times I have created harsh subtext for simple conversations probably meant only to gently guide. Sometimes in those situations I am quick to explain my reasoning or viewpoint in efforts to defend. This is shameful, I know. That’s something I’ve been working to dissipate in my head. I’ve only recently begun to understand some of the root of the subtext and my quick impulse to defend.

Unrequested critical attitude causes me to well up unreasonably inside. It offends because I am found lacking in some way. I am so overly critical of myself that if someone catches something I have missed or haven’t thought through, I tear myself apart. I feel as though that person doesn’t trust me at all, that somehow he or she is discounting everything I have worked towards in my life. It is as though all of my efforts to educate and advance myself are of no worth. As I said, most of this is subtext I have imagined, but nevertheless the thoughts sweep through my heart.

God has worked diligently in my heart on these matters. This morning I caught myself feeling criticized when someone who loves me was only trying to give me wise perspective in a difficult situation. My response wasn’t defensive, yet I felt the urge to provide every angle of my heart. In fact, this week, more than most, I have felt the scorn of my surroundings for decisions I have made. And the truth is, when I get alone with God and remove all the voices of these surroundings, the peace that passes all understanding, well, passes all understanding.

The challenge will forever be distinguishing what to accept and what to discard. My pride must fall so that I may succeed more fully for Christ, so I must be willing to accept it. Yet I need to trust and REST in the peace God gives me amid any kind of criticism, whether imagined or real. The weight of the world is just too heavy and in the words of John this morning “is not mine to own.” That is advice I am more than happy to accept.

So do I hate correction? Nah. Is all “correction” correct? Absolutely not.

What an honor to share with you today about a group of women who have helped to shape my world and walk these last couple of years. The women at my church have become some of my beloved mentors and prayer partners. I am surrounded by women there that serve God wholeheartedly whether in their family lives, careers, or volunteering at church. It’s pretty incredible to know that I could call any of these women, and all of them would take time to listen to and pray with me.

Every Thursday morning since I have become unemployed, my sisnlaw has picked me up to take me to the Women’s Ministry Bible Study. Such sweet time to dig into the Word and share “girly stuff” with one another. In fact, I was getting a bit sad recently realizing that once I secure a job, I will be unable to attend these Bible Studies…but!!! Starting in September, these Bible studies will be happening on SUNDAY nights! Score!!! This excites me not only because I will be able to continue to attend, but so many other ladies will have the opportunity to get this fantastic fellowship and encouragement now as well.

There are a couple of Women’s Ministry events coming up which are really tweaking my heart. 1) A luncheon on Monday with Jo Ann Lyon. If you don’t know who this amazing woman is, you need to know. She’s fantastic! She founded and is the head of World Hope International, and recently was voted General Superintendent of The Wesleyan Church! How exciting that the women of my church are able to have a special time with her. 2) “BLESS YOU“ is our Women’s Ministry retreat in September. Since my sisnlaw is on the planning committee, I’ve gotten to hear a bit about the plans…and they are so great. I really feel God’s sovereign hand on this retreat; I believe it will open the hearts of these women and heal some old wounds.

My brother and sisnlaw started a website for this ministry, so if you are in the W-S area, are a woman, and would love an opportunity for female fellowship, CHECK out this amazing group!

This is a part of Positive Post Tuesday!

My lifelong friend Chris is married.  To an awesome girl.   I’m so thrilled for these two people!!!  Their wedding was SOOOOOO much fun.  As you can see from the pic, my dad and I got to dance to the father/daughter dance.  It was the first time since being a child that I had danced with my daddy.  Very special.

My sisnlaws and friend Ashley Beam danced with my niece Taylor to all the songs.  Taylor kept doing these interpretive dances while the blues band was playing..while NO ONE was on the dance floor. She insisted that we join her.  It was a great night for her.  :)  I think she’s gonna be a dancer.

There were three great moments in the wedding.  1)  Chris and Kristen recessed out to the Superman theme song.  Pretty much amazing.  2)  Chris and Kristen’s dance was well choreographed and contained a medley of songs such as “I’ve had the Time of My LIfe”, Stayin’ Alive, All I Ask of You…it was youtube worthy.  3)  I missed the BEST part.  Chris did his amazing talent of choreographing/dancing to boy band songs.  He put together a medley of NSYNC and Backstreet Boy songs, and supposedly it was pretty much “professional”.   Any boy bands out there need a back up dancer????

So that was my Saturday.  Now I’m off to planning some exciting events…I’ve got music pouring out of my nose again.  LOL.