What a terrible string of words to follow you through your day, because you still have to do the laundry, get the groceries, work your job for a bulk of the day, call the hospital about your bill, prepare a Sunday School lesson, wash the dishes, practice with the band, be in church service and get dinner.  It just never ends.  The necessary tasks continue and life does not stop.  However, when I feel like a failure, my instinct is to give up.  I want everything to stop so that I can breathe.  I want to distance myself from everything and everyone. I don’t want to make things worse than they already are.

Sometimes your environment does not help.  Sadly, people can make this situation worse by belittling you, gossiping about you, and telling you outright that you are not doing enough or that you are not doing it right.  Sometimes we are our own worst enemy, but sometimes the people around us can be equally offensive. Aren’t we vicious sometimes?   Our actions and words are powerful.  We have so many opportunities to love and to encourage, and yet sometimes we just choose to be blunt or cruel.  As Christians, don’t we know better?   Shame on us for gossiping.  Shame on us for tearing others down.  Shame on us for expecting more from ourselves and from each other than what God expects from us!

God is still teaching me that when I feel like I am a failure, I need to trust in Him. We miss the mark; we are fallible.  But God is not! How often in His Word does it say that God is faithful?  Seriously, it seems like every book of the Bible is screaming out to us that every human is messy and erroneous, but…..GOD IS FAITHFUL.   When we fall, He picks us up.  When we are lonely, He walks with us. When we are sad, He comforts us. When we are broken, He mends us.  When we are tired, He carries us.  When we don’t have anything, He provides.  When we just can’t do it anymore, He makes a way.  God is faithful!  We have heard again and again, His timing is not ours and we may not understand his ways.  However, the Word of God is clear: He is faithful to complete His tasks. No, I can’t do it all.  No, I am not perfect.  No, I cannot control other people’s words or actions.  But God is bigger than all of this, and will be by my side or carrying me if that is what I need.

Psalm 33:4
4 For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does.

Psalm 36:5
5 Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.

Psalm 86:15
15 But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

Psalm 89:1
1 I will sing of the LORD’s great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations.

Psalm 89:8
8 O LORD God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O LORD, and your faithfulness surrounds you.

Psalm 91:3-6
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. 4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. 5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, 6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.

Psalm 92:1-3
1 It is good to praise the LORD and make music to your name, O Most High, 2 to proclaim your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night, 3 to the music of the ten-stringed lyre and the melody of the harp.

Psalm 108:4
4 For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

Psalm 115:1
1 Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.

Psalm 143:1
1 O LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief

Lamentations 3:22-23
22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Romans 3:3-4
3 What if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God’s faithfulness? 4 Not at all!

1 Corinthians 1:9
9 God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful.

1 Corinthians 10:13
13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

1 John 1:9
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Into Your Arms

In September, my husband and I learned I was pregnant with our first child.  Words cannot express how elated we were. It was something we had been desiring for some time.  It took a few days to really sink in, but very soon I knew it was real.  Everything started changing:  priorities, plans, and my body.  Oh yes, I could tell there was something very wonderful and extra special growing inside of me.  Every time I thought of our little baby, I could not help but beam.  I started counting down the days to when I could learn whether it was a girl or a boy.  A name for a girl, check.  A name for a boy was being prayed for.  Then we got the most painful news:  our baby did not have a heartbeat. For two weeks I carried my lifeless little one.  And then I felt the searing emptiness in my womb.  Worst. Feeling. Ever.

So this last month has been about grieving the loss of our first baby.  Slowly, the fog is rolling out and each day gets a little easier.  One day I will get to hold my baby.  Until then, God will have to take care of this one.  I don’t know why this happened.   However, if there is one thing I have truly learned in my 32 years, it is that God is a faithful provider.  God’s timing was perfect with my meeting and marrying my wonderful husband (who, by the way,  has been the most compassionate and encouraging sweetheart through all of this heartache.)  So, I am giving this to God.  He knows the only two things that are on my Christmas list this year.

You are so holy and just.  You are so merciful and ubundantly graceful.  Your love and compassion blanket me.  Your tenderness and discipline are pure.  You are the healer and the revealer.  You are my rock when I am shaken and you are my joy when I am saddened.  You are the peace that fills my mind when all around me spins me blind.  Your diligence exceeds mine.  Your faithfulness astounds me.  You court us with unabashed affection.  You know how bleak I feel, how weak I feel, the pain that makes my heart reveal that something has pierced me deeply, and that I cannot see clearly.  God, without you I am empty.  Without you, I fall swiftly.  Father, come and fill me.  I need you to hold me.  I know you will never leave me, even after I have been so distant.  You keep chasing after my heart; you don’t stop to weigh the cost, because it was covered with your Son’s blood.  God, I am calling out to you, because I know you follow through.  You never fail, you never waste the tears I spill.  God, you made me.  You know what pains me.  And the only way to begin the heal is to give it all to You. 

Amen.

Until I come to the point where I can relinquish every piece of my heart and my plans to God’s will, they will fail in the end.  If I pray for the things that I desire selfishly, God may allow them or I could push and shove them to occurance.  However, the effect may be more heartbreak than if I had released it all to God’s care.  It is the hardest lesson I ever had to learn.  But God was there when I turned to Him and brought him all of my brokenness.  And He turned my tears into blessings.  Today, I have so much to be thankful for…and I deserve none of it.  But all glory to God for the restoration of my life.   He is a mighty redeemer!  He can provide healing in full to the willing.

On Saturday, we left around 5 to hit the road.  As we started to get closer to the beach, we got discouraged because a haze lifted from the ground.  We then drove right into a very thick fog.  My husband being a photographer, my heart sank as it seemed the fog would not lift and all hopes of him getting any exciting pictures dwindled. As we drove into Morehead City, it lifted, thankfully.

We hit Fort Macon first.  The pictures of the fort he got are so neat!  We walked on the beach there and saw tug boats and large ships up close.  Then after checking into our hotel and getting a light sunburn while waiting for the sunset on the beach most of the afternoon, we got dressed up for dinner.  Amos Mosquitos was so great!  Not too far from our motel, it was decorated like a mossy swamp.  Loved it!  We had to wait about an hour, but it was so worth it.  The food was amazing and come to find out, quite reasonably priced for what we chose.  We had crab legs, flounder, shrimp, and fries…and couldn’t finish it all.  By the time we were finished, we were having a hard time keeping our eyes opened.

Sunday morning we rested.  We had planned to get up at 5 and watch the sunrise, but we were so exhausted. I woke up at 7:30 and that icky fog covered the ground…we didn’t miss much in that way.  After checking out of our motel, we headed for Beaufort.  Such a neat town!   We ate brunch at a cafe on the docks, then walked around.  Everyone was so kind!  I had forgotten to bring sunscreen, so a girl at a shop gave me some for free.

Then James and I got on a ferry boat and headed towards Shackleford Island.  It is an uninhabited island with about 120 horses and no shade….how beautiful it was!!!   We only stayed a couple of hours, but I think we could have stayed all day.  The weather was perfect, the ocean side of the island had enormous shells and the waves were rough and so blue-green.  Oh, it was like paradise!  Evidently people can camp on the island, so I think we may go back and camp sometime (in spring or fall, because it could get VERY hot in the summer).

It was such a relaxing and fun adventure.  I can’t wait to adventure more with my husband.  He is a joy!

There will be a bit of music too!  Imagine a 1930s lounge….James is gonna play drums, I am playing piano, and Tim Welborn is playing bass.  We have a singer too….but I can’t give everything away.  You’ll just have to come see for yourself!  So make sure you get your tickets!

April 30 and May 1;

$17.50 for a ticket ($15 for NHBC people).

Let me know if you want tickets!

consumes you and you can’t

see beyond this shadow

controlling you

put your weapons down

your tongue that sprays daggers

this revenge that murders

the innocence.

Put your weapons down.

Because God sees it better than you and me.

Though in this moment it’s hard to believe

in anything.

He knows the outcome is tearing you up

He is compassionate; He is love.

Hold your fire, take a breath

Lift your brokenness up

to the one who created you.

God is faithful and just.

Such a simple concept, and yet we make it so hard.  We do.  Instead of reminding ourselves that “we may not know what is happening, but God does”, we grumble, fume, worry, and complain.  We feel like we have lost control and so we lose control of our attitudes and actions.   And often times I doubt we even realize it because it has become our second nature.  We have made a habit of reacting to frustrating or confusing circumstances in a way that is not necessary…which more often than not makes things much worse than they really are.

Joyce says instead of all this grumbling and worrying, we just need to say “God, I don’t know what is going on, but I trust You.”   And we may have to say it over and over and over again and put our impulses on hold until we make that attitude and action a habit of trust.  Trusting can become second nature, but we have to practice.

My husband and I were discussing a situation last night, and he remarked how we shouldn’t worry about this possible negative outcome…we need to do the right thing, the thing that honors God, and trust that He will provide.  He is absolutely right.

Last night I led music worship for the youth at the church I grew up in.  It has been quite a few months since I have led worship music, and I really missed it.  It is a passion of mine.  God is so worthy of our praise.  It is an honor preparing music to lead a group of people into focusing on Him and singing out how wonderful He is.  At one point we dropped out all of the instruments, pulled the lights down completely, and I pulled the mic back from my own voice…the voices I heard were so young and yet so strong.  I pray that each of those teens believe and live the words they sang out together last night.

It is so easy to meet together every week and sing, but the most important thing is that we LIVE worship….that the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts are pleasing to God.  And that is the exact thing I prayed for those teens and even adults in the service last night.  What I love about worship music is that oftentimes during the week the words we have sung will circulate in my head, and they will calm my spirit and prepare my mind for what I am working on.     What we feed upon, especially when it comes to repeated lyrics, becomes a part of our meditation.  As does trust.  If we meditate on trusting God, it is likely that we will start to notice a difference in our attitudes and conversation.  I can’t always tell when I am not trusting God, but I can always tell when I am having a bad day.  The bad days…ugh…yeah, you know them.  Nothing seems to go right and little makes you smile.   It is on those days that I know I should be asking myself if I have been practicing trust…and I should probably question what has been consuming my mind.

And yes, this is one of these reminders to myself that God is bigger than the biggest frustration and most difficult situation.

For now, I’d like to know…what is your favorite band and why has it made the most impact on you?

Well, I have been married to James almost 2 weeks….it’s wonderful.   I cannot imagine life without him.   He is my companion and best friend.  How thankful I am!

Tonight he is taking his cousin Brandy and me to go see New Moon.  I am sooo excited!   I know it won’t be as good as the book, but that is almost always the case.   It should be fun!

This Christmas will be so different from all the others.  Two nieces, one on the way, and a husband.  It is hard to believe it is so close.  So many traditions and joys to pass on. 

God is so good.