Tonight was wild.   I spent over an hour dealing with what I think was a tiny splinter in my son Levi’s thumb.  It was well past bedtime, and both my kids were exhausted, but Levi really wanted me to look at his thumb.  I held out my hand for him to place his in mine, and one slight touch sent Levi jumping and crying.  All I needed to do was get a really good look at his thumb so I could figure out what was really going on.   However, the moment Levi flinched, his younger 2 year old sister reacted strongly.  She cried with a vengeance and stood in front of Levi with her hands up for me to give her attention.  For one moment it would have seemed she had somehow gotten hurt, but she had not.  She was scared for her brother, and her reaction was her pleading with me to stop touching him so he would not be in pain.

I held her and consoled her, but she would not remove her arms from my neck.  She held me SO close, sobbing all the while.  Levi, of course, became more fearful of anyone causing his thumb more pain, so his cries escalated.  I assured both of my kids that I was not going to hurt Levi, and that all I wanted to do was get a good look.  They calmed down enough for me to get a good look.  It looked like there could be a tiny, tiny hair splinter in his thumb, so I brought out the tweezers.   Though I was as calm as could be and tried using my soft, calming voice to assure the kids, it was no consolation.  Both of them screamed as though they were facing the worst danger.   I put the tweezers down and explained to Levi what their purpose was…and tried to help him understand that he would be okay and that he needed to calm down and comfort Imogen so she could also calm down.  I asked him if he trusted me, and he said, “Yes, but I don’t want it to hurt more.”  I just couldn’t do my job between Imogen placing herself in my way and Levi staying as far away as possible.  It took a great deal of patience and effort, but Levi did as I asked and Imogen stopped blocking my view and my hands….and I was able to remove the tiny hairs causing his pain.

My kids are now sleeping, hopefully peacefully, and I find myself thinking about how patient God must be with us.   Sometimes we are hurting so deeply and we really want God to remove the pain and heal us.  However, our fear can get in the way of His work.  Sometimes someone else can be going through pain and our fear for them, even though we trust God, can make us react in hindering ways.  I know I have been there before.  Trusting God is not always easy.  We have to be willing to let Him really work to remove the root of our heartaches…and sometimes that itself can be painful.  In the end, though, the results are far better than if we had avoided Him or tried to prevent His restoration.

I am grateful we have a loving and patient Creator that has our best in mind with His ways.  Learning to trust Him more day by day.

Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways, submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.”


This morning as I talked with God, I was thinking about Levi.  When he was younger and I would ask him to do something, he would pretty much jump to the task.  It was not usually done perfectly, but he attempted it.   Now, though, Levi often ignores me or answers “OK” in a pretty frustrated tone.  He will continue to procrastinate and do other things that he wants to do.  I do not always respond to these situations well, so this morning, I asked the Lord to help me be more patient with my son.

This reminded me how patient Yahweh is with us.  Throughout time, He has made efforts to bring His children closer to Him and help lead them in directions that were for THEIR best.  However, so many times we just do our own thing.   The Israelites did their own thing and wound up circling the desert for 40 years.  Jonah did his own thing and found himself in the belly of a big fish.  David did his own thing and ended up murdering someone out of fear.   Sometimes I think we are just plain scared.  Although many times we are selfish in our disobedience, it seems like much of it is rooted in fear.  It all comes down to trusting God with all of our hearts.

As Levi has gotten older, he has gotten more confident and capable.  He does not have to rely on me for everything.  He has begun to plan his own time, and he makes more and more decisions by himself….what to wear, what he likes to eat, what he wants to build, how he wants to play.  He still needs me, but sometimes it seems like he pretends I am not around.  When I step in and remind him of what he should be doing, he gets irritated.  When I ask him to do something new that is challenging, he gets a little scared.  When he trusts me and obeys, he often realizes it was for a good reason.  He cannot always see the big picture like I can.  He does not always remember that cleaning up throughout the day helps our evenings be more easy and peaceful.

Maybe the task is something that is overwhelming.  Perhaps we do not see the good it will do us.  It could be that we are scared of the steps….or of the outcome.   Sometimes we doubt that it will make a difference.   However, the older I get, the more I realize….God has a good reason for everything he asks us to do/not do.  He always ALWAYS has our best interest at heart.   He sees the biggest picture, because He knows every piece of our past and every possible outcome in the future.   Even though “because I said so” may not spurn our hearts into action, our Lifegiver is more patient than we could ever imagine.  He does not quit on us. He is our biggest cheerleader and greatest advocate.  He does not give up on drawing us near to Him.  His forgiveness is deeper and wider than we know.   He does not give us direction then leave us to go it alone.   Even in our wanderings, God is with us and provides.  May we grow to have confidence and peace in our Father’s instructions, and trust Him enough to obey every time.   Grateful for the patience He pours out on us.  I have so much to learn as a mother and child.



“I’ll never be the same.”  We sang these words this morning during our church service.  It is always uplifting to be reminded of what Jesus did for us and that God made a way for us to be with Him.  We need these reminders and to be encouraged that God is for us, and that He has been with us all this time.

I have faced a lot of  uncertainty in my time on this earth.  Being in limbo is a feeling I am very familiar with.  My heartaches have cut deeply, but the scars that remain remind me that I survived the storm, God walked me through it all, and now I have an incredible story of hope to share with others.  I want my legacy to be one that points to the power of Yahweh. Though this has been my heart’s desire ever since I was a teenager, I never would have imagined the struggles to come.

Our pastor Mark Norris’s message this morning was incredible.   He was speaking to us about the transformation that occurs as a disciple of Christ, and he used the example of a butterfly so beautifully.   The butterfly will not grow to its fullness without the struggle that occurs within its cocoon.  A complete change is not a quick process, and it is also not an easy one.   Whew, I can attest to this.

A few years ago, I was dealing with some deep depression and some heartaches that I never thought would heal.  If you have read some of my other blogs, you know about this.  Depression is serious, and it can really debilitate a person…and it put me in a terrible mindset as well as life-threatening position.  Pastor Mark this morning said it so true this morning….it starts in the mind.  That is where Satan hangs out.  We need a renewal of our minds on a daily basis. It is our minds that get attacked, so this is where we need to suit up.   We need truth.   We need the Word of God- powerful, life-changing, Spirit-revealed scripture.  It was a tough process to filter through all of the lies I had believed while I was in the dark deep of discouragement.  However, God’s Word pierced through that darkness and reminded me of His faithfulness.  Hallelujah!

After coming out of that darkness in 2006, I noticed a significant change in my mind.   I never wanted to forget what God had done for me….I knew I would never be the same.  So I got my first tattoo….a simple butterfly on my ankle….a reminder of the struggle and transformation.

I am grateful that our pasts are behind us.  I am glad that we can continue to move forward towards the promise of Jesus’ return.   I am sure there are plenty of difficult days ahead, but I know who holds my heart and mind, and I am holding onto that Hand of Providence with all my might!!!!  Our histories may vary, and many of us would maybe prefer to never even think of them again.  I completely understand.  Some of you probably think reflecting on the past is just boring, a waste of time, or dangerous.   It is all about perspective, friends!   Our histories are stories of His faithfulness.  Whether the accounts are recent or from Biblical times, reflecting on God’s goodness is ALWAYS a good thing.  When we reflect on these, we are building strength of our minds and hearts to prepare for tough times.   May we never lose the wonder and awe of God’s provision.

I will end with the lyrics from another song called “Fullness” that we sang this morning:

“Fullness of eternal promise

Stirring in your sons and daughters

Earth revealing heaven’s wonders

Spirit come

Now the world awaits Your presence

And this power is within us

We will rise to be Your witness

Spirit come”

The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness.   I am grateful, and I testify to this truth!

The Canvases


Once upon a time, there was a little girl who loved the Lord with all her heart, mind, strength and soul.  She loved her Creator so much that she wanted to show Him.  She was really good at drawing, and she loved to draw, so she pulled out her favorite pack of crayons.  At first she colored pictures in her room alone.  Sometimes she drew very simple pictures, and sometimes the pictures were very complex and took a lot of time.  She knew that the Lord was creative and hoped He would be pleased with her expression of love for Him.  She wanted him to know how grateful she was, and so she used every color in her crayon box.

She loved the Lord so much, and her artwork showed the goodness of God in every stroke.  She wanted to encourage others to see God’s goodness and show gratitude as well, so she began sharing her artwork with others.  It was a very vulnerable thing for her to do, because when she drew for the Lord, she put all of her heart into it. She knew that others may not like her artwork, but she still hoped that they would see the beauty and goodness of God in it and that they would also be inspired to show love to the Lord.

Some people joined right in with her and started drawing for the Lord.  Some were inspired and used other mediums to show their love for the Lord with their artwork.  The canvases were a vast array of color, structure, and complexity.  More and more people began to express their love for the Lord as they experienced His goodness and power.

At some point, a few of the people began to think that maybe there were too many canvases.  Perhaps they should remove a few so that only the most complex and beautiful should be displayed.  They thought it would surely honor God for Him to only see the best and brightest.  Others began discussing how perhaps it would be better if only the simplest and least colorful should be displayed, because it would show a sincere and humble spirit.  More and more considered that there should definitely be a guideline for what was displayed.  Canvases were slowly taken down, and arguments arose because everyone could not agree what would best show the Lord the people’s love for Him.

One by one, people left.  Many took their canvases with them and split into different groups to find better places to display their canvases. Some threw theirs into the trash out of frustration.  Some threw theirs into the trash out of shame. Others threw theirs into the trash because they were confused.  The little girl became very sad.  She did not understand how everything got so out of hand.  All she wanted to do was express her love to the Lord and encourage others to do the same.  Several people let her know she should not have used so many colors.  Some thought her colors were too loud and distracting to truly please the Lord.  Others thought some of the canvases were much too tame to show genuine passion for the Lord.  Several others told her she really should have used a different medium.  Many gave their opinions on how the canvases should be created and displayed.

The little girl sat alone and talked to the Lord.  The Lord reminded her that He was very creative, too.  The Lord reminded her that He gave her the gift of creativity.  Look at all of the amazing creatures He had designed!  See the vast array of beauty, complexity, and simplicity!  Experience the absolute silence of a snow-covered morning and the extreme torrent of a summer thunderstorm!  He reminded her that He has been criticized throughout all of time, but through it all He remained steadfast in His love for His creation.  The Lord reminded her that though many will lose sight of Him when the canvas becomes the focus, He will continue to reign,worthy and victorious.  The Lord reminded her that He wanted her to love Him with all her heart, soul, strength and mind.  So the little girl went back to the drawing board and continued to express her love for the Lord with every color and design.  The canvas was not for men, but for the Lord, and her heart could not be contained.  It overflowed with joy and gratitude.

The Circle of Ifs


I have been thinking a lot lately about how communities, cultures, governments, and individuals can so easily get stuck in cycles. Small cycles sometimes, other times very large.  I suppose part of this is that we are creatures of habit, to a degree.  We also tend to make the same mistakes others made in the past.  History class educators always reminded me that we look to the past so that we can learn what NOT to do.  How quickly we forget our education, and how greatly many of us remain ignorant to so much of it.  I cannot claim to know very much, though I believe I have had some very excellent teachers and professors throughout the years. Yesterday, I was in a conversation and remembered a paper I had done for my music history class in college.  It was on the Jewish synagogue music during the 1st century A.D.  Immediately, I searched for it, found it, and read it.  Some of this may bore you, but I challenge you to read it and learn a little bit about our history of worshipping God.

Before the temple of Yahweh was destroyed in 70 A.D., many different instruments were used in abundance to praise and worship Him in the temple and in synagogues. They were used alongside vocal chant.   You likely have learned this from reading the Psalms.  Trumpet, lute (a stringed instrument, kind of similar to a guitar), harp, and cymbal instruments are mentioned frequently.  Various aerophones, which are wind instruments that produce sound by causing the air to vibrate, were used primarily for signaling and announcing.  The shofar and trumpets are great examples.  Chordophones are stringed instruments (like the guitar and violin) which were played to accompany the vocal chant.  The harp, lute, and lyre are the main instruments we know musicians played.



Percussive instruments included the toph (a tambourine), cymbals, and sistrum.  A sistrum was typically made of a metal frame with transverse metal rods that rattled when the instrument was shaken.



Okay, so, are you taking this in?  Can you just imagine the incredible instrumentation?

I love how Psalms 81:1-3 expresses a call to worship:

“Sing for joy to God our strength; shout aloud to the God of Jacob! Begin the music, strike the tambourine, play the melodious harp and lyre.  Sound the ram’s horn at the New Moon, and when the moon is full, on the day of our Feast.”

The vocal chant singing would have been so interesting to experience.  Their voices would have been harsh, gutteral and nasal.  This was due to the lack of vowels in the Hebrew language, but also because the instruments accompanying their voices were so often percussion-type and encouraged that kind of tone.  This definitely makes me think the musical praise and worship could have been very vibrant and passionate.

Also, it has always been so interesting and awesome to me that all of the musicians were well trained.  They were professionals.  They gave their lives for the worship and praise of Yahweh.  They practiced regularly, worked to better play their instruments and sing, and they sought after the Lord’s heart.  It was their livelihood and their honor.

However, their routines were shaken up.  I wonder how many of them left their ministry when Jesus came around.  I wonder if some of them stayed with it, and how it affected their song writing and playing.  We know between Jesus and the disciples, many began to follow Christ.  They gathered in each other’s homes and shared everything.  I wonder how it impacted the synagogues and temple.  It would have been something to witness, let alone be a part of.  Surely, they were in some kind of transition when Jesus swept through and started changing hearts while making some of the Pharisees and other leaders angry.

Then, we know there was a drastic change not terribly long after Jesus was crucified and risen.  Jewish Christians were driven out of town by persecution.   Gessium Florus hated the Jews, but ruled Judea.  He  killed 3,600 citizen in Jerusalem in 66 A.D.  The Jews revolted, one thing led to another, and war commenced.  (The Christian Jews pretty much stayed out of it.  It created a large wall between the Jews and Christian Jews.)  The Jews fought hard, but their temple was destroyed in 70 A.D. Jews were slaughtered or sold as slaves.   Instruments were lost or destroyed.  Their world was completely falling down around them.  As the remaining Jews tried to rebuild, some major changes were made to their synagogues and the way the worshiped God through music.

After 70 A.D., no Christians were permitted to enter the synagogues.  Women were slowly removed from being allowed to sing.  Apparently, women and men singing together created an association and symbolization of sexual unification…and women were encouraged to keep quiet in general.  So, only men were allowed to sing.  Also, solo song performance was used less and less.  This had been used prior to the destruction of the temple, but it was phased out.  Pharisees put an end to notated music, too.  Basically, they required the music to be simple, repetitious, and easily memorized.  Also an very incredible change was that musical instruments were no longer allowed.  That’s right.  A Capella.  Only voices could be used to worship and praise Yahweh.  So, basically, their worship time was men singing very simple songs, pretty much by heart, without any accompaniment.  What a stark contrast to years prior with men and women singing alongside each other accompanied by so many jubilant instruments!  I have not done enough research on early Christian church music to share a great deal about it, but I would imagine they had some of their musicians sharing songs of faith, praise, and hope…even if it was in someone’s house or on the road to some new mission.

I think the Pharisees were scared.  They had lost some of their fellow worshippers to a new movement of faith, had their people massacred and their worship center destroyed.  Their world had completely been shaken up by Jesus, who not only healed on the Sabbath (which was horrible to them), but challenged their mindsets and their manmade rules.  Jesus came to make Yahweh’s message clear and  provide a solution to an ever-present problem:  we are messy, sinful, selfish people who could never ever live holy enough to be in the glorious presence of God face to face.  I do not understand HOW the son of God being sacrificed by God’s chosen people fixed this.  I know there are theologies and theories out there.  However, it is obvious to me that humans are so fallible, so prideful, and so selfish.  I am grateful that Jesus said He is enough and was the way to have fellowship with Yahweh for eternity.

So, here is what I draw from this small tidbit of Jewish history:  musical worship of God has changed a lot throughout all of time.  We have circled back to some things from time to time.  We have made crazy associations and crazy decisions based on fear.  Sometimes fear of losing people, sometimes fear of losing control, sometimes fear of something different, or sometimes fear of the unknown.  We have valued things of little to no value much too much.  And we have so often ignored God’s voice (the Holy Spirit) because we just do not want to be embarrassed for being wrong or reprimanded for being disobedient.

It is so easy to make the same mistakes over and over.  It can be terribly difficult to break the patterns we’ve learned to find comfort within.  However, I think that is just what God wants us to do:  break our religious patterns and show us something new that can benefit His Kingdom.  Holiness does not change.  His worthiness does not change.  Our sinful nature does not change (though our responses can).  So much else changes around us, though.  There are so many new ways of communicating, building, restoring, and creating.  Some can really benefit the Kingdom of God.   It can be scary to utilize new methods or revive old ones, but if we weigh against the Word of God and truly pray for God’s guidance, we can discern whether or not they are beneficial.  And if we are willing to sacrifice for His Kingdom, then with the Holy Spirit’s directing and the Word’s power, hearts can be changed, lives can be renewed, strongholds can be broken, and God can be exalted.  Hallelujah!  And as long as the songs lift up His Name and speak words of truth, the music can be as simple, complex, extravagant, jubilant, or sweet as we desire.  There is no law against making music for Him in His kingdom, and for my musician hands and voice, that is something to rejoice about. 🙂




Because He IS


I am sitting here just crying, trying to find the best words to share this overwhelming joy in my heart.  For a few weeks, I have desired to take the time to write again.  There never seems to be enough quiet time.  Between my miserably teething 1 year old and my always energetic 4 year old, our house is a circus.  Already I have been interrupted twice writing 4 sentences.  I want to scream, but then I remember again how incredibly grateful I am for this noisy, messy life.  All I have to do is recall where my mind and heart was 11 years ago.

Yes, I have shared my testimony before, but God continues to work on me and bring to light more and more ways He is Providence.  I have doubted Him more times than I would like to admit in my life.  Between my church families and my blood family, the groundwork was laid very early on.  I am so GRATEFUL that I was taught throughout my childhood of God’s strength, refuge and ever present help in trouble.  Due to this, it became instinct for me to turn to His Word and to prayer when life confused or hurt me.  However, this groundwork did not prevent mistakes on my part.  It did not keep away the shadows of doubt.

11 years ago at around this time, I thought I could not take any more.  I could not see the good things God had done.  My heart had been broken over and over and over again.  Earnest prayers to God had seemed pointless.  I felt like I had been praying the same prayer for almost 5 years, and it seemed like He did not care.  I thought I had been patient.  I thought that I had been living according to His will.  I thought that no one else understood.  It seemed like I was the only one who had ever been in that situation, and I felt so alone.  Everything around me started to crumble.  I got really sick, and I did not want to get better.  I wanted to turn off the pain.  I wanted to end the heartache.  I did not know how to let go….I had been fighting for SO LONG. I was so tired of trying to explain it all.  No one could understand.  It came to the point where I thought, “I have been trying to be strong for so long, and I have prayed so fervently.  For nothing.  Nothing will ever change.  I am worthless.  Either I am worthless, or God doesn’t care about me, or God has not been here all this time.  Whatever.  What is the point?”

I shut my door, turned the lights out, and laid in bed for days.  I took a lot of medicine without measuring.  I just kept waiting for everything to end.  No one cared.

Except that was a lie.  So many people cared.  Perhaps they did not really understand, but there were so many that cared.  God cared, and He had not left me.  Before I could put the nail in my own coffin, someone that cared stepped in.  It took me a while to start really believing that I was loved, but God did not give up on me.  Even though my heart was weary and my mind was dark, He carried me.  I felt completely defeated and worthless, but Jesus whispered to me as He carried me, “I am the way.  I am your worth.  I am your victory.  I am with you.  I will never leave you.  I will never forsake you.  I am your advocate.  I understand.  I care.”  Little by little He dissipated the lies.  Little by little He pushed out the dark.  Little by little He built me up and made me strong again.  I was strong because He is strong.  I was not worthless, but worth it-because He made me, and the Creator does not make junk (even if we do junk.)

My hopes and dreams were not pointless, they were delayed…and I was being refined (as I am yet today.)  Pastor Michael Ross’s message Sunday reminded me again.  “When He is slow in coming, there is something greater that is going to happen. I don’t know why Christ seems absent sometimes.  The result is always greater.  There is something to learn.  A virtue to embrace. A truth to understand.  A flaw to be removed, or a prayer to be prayed.  But when you come out of the darkness, you will be more like Christ than you were before, and so you were blessed with His absence.”

There have been many difficulties since that breaking point 11 years ago.  I have cried more tears than I thought I would again, and my heart has broken again and again and again in fresh ways since that day.  Today I am not redeemed and joyful because God provided the man of my dreams and 2 beautiful children I never thought I would have.  I am redeemed and joyful because God IS.  I am grateful because God never leaves me.  I praise Him because He makes a way for ALL of us.  No one is too far gone.  No one is hopeless.  I rejoice because He sees deeper and truer than our hearts and minds can.  I am alive because HE IS ALIVE! Hallelujah! And I give this testimony because I know there are many hurting, doubting, and lost.  I pray that God moves them to read this, and that the truth of God’s existence and the power of His love inches its way into their hearts so that with absolute certainty they can proclaim “GOD IS MY REFUGE AND STRENGTH, AN EVER PRESENT HELP IN TROUBLE.”

Friends, family, those I do not know well or know at all, He is alive.  He is present.  He is able.  He is more than your words can express.  He see it all, knows it all, and goes before you.  He will never leave you.  He delights in YOU!  He makes a way for you.  He will not give up on you.  He is perfect in all His ways.  Yahweh is beginning and end.  Yahweh IS.  His ways will not be your own, but they are OH SO GOOD.  He is Providence.  Trust Him, and you will see the footprints beside you and underneath you from time to time….especially when you look back.  Trust Him, and you will not regret it.  Believe in Him.  He is worthy.  And you are worth it.  He died and rose all for you.  All this world was made for His glory, and you are made for His glory.  Really, truly…..believe in Him, really believe that He is and is for you, and you will never be the same.



It is days like these that I get this ache to write.  So here I sit, with fleeting moments of quiet while kids slumber…and there is just so much in my heart.  I am turning 38 this year.  This seems impossible.  Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was a college student working towards my music degree?  Didn’t I just get married?  How did this year come so fast?!  It seems like I should have so much more under my belt and have so much more on the horizon.  So many expectations I had for myself.  I think others had expectations for me as well.  I remember a college professor try to convince me that I should consider changing my major from music to writing.  I don’t even remember batting an eyelash when I let him know I was quite determined to stick with my music degree.  Yet, I did not really have a plan.  At one time, there were dreams.  Sometimes they were extremely reasonable and attainable.  Other times, they were very lofty and would have required an enormous amount of time, money, and dedication.  Some of those desires changed.  Some of them just fell through for one reason or another.  Others I honestly just did not care enough about to really pursue.  I don’t really feel like I am missing out on anything. Truly, I am grateful that God allowed choices I made to bring about the wonderful blessings of my husband and two precious children. I have more than I ever imagined I ever would.

Even though some days are hard and uncertain, the Lord keeps reminding me that He is present and loves me.  Sometimes I get overwhelmed.  Some days are SO exhausting with a 9 month old that fights sleep and a 4 year old that never stops.  Often I expect too much of myself.  Sometimes I let others’ expectations of me bring me down.  It happens. Life is just not a simple, carefree ride.  Even so, the peace of God is SO incredible.   I can speak a million miles a minute with chaos surrounding me, yet it rests there in my heart, reminding me that no matter the outcome, I am not alone and I am not without hope.

I don’t know it all.  I don’t have all of the answers.  I am probably not wise beyond my years, but I have lived a lot of life.  I have a full and fulfilling life.  There are plenty of regrets, and a long list of heartaches.  Even so, God is good and proves over and over to me that He loves me immensely.  The blessings are more than I could ever account.

When life is not what you hoped, and when you do not know what to do, allow yourself to rest in the remembrance  of all that is good in your life and all that God has provided.  When you feel empty or lonely, and when you are hurting beyond belief, do not give up on your life.  Reach out to someone for comfort and encouragement.  God has not left you.  He has not given up on you.  Know that He sees every tear and knows every desire, no matter how small or how deep.  You are loved, and you are precious to Him.  And even though I may not know you, you are precious to me too, because you are God’s creation.  I will pray for you and mourn with you, as others in my life have prayed for and mourned with me.  If you dance, I will rejoice.

I know I have gotten way off of my initial intent for this blog post, but all this to say that there is great contentment to be found in a relationship with Yahweh.  It is so much more than feeling happy about life or a striving to do good.  It does not even compare to that.  It is steady pulsing that feeds the soul and an anchor that grounds the mind and heart.  It is a constant that even though may sometimes feel distant or lost, sits within your heartbeat and rests under all of your thoughts.