What a fun weekend! Yay for good times with the youth and my family! On Saturday I got to hang out with my beloved blonde neices. Oh, how I love them. Yesterday was somewhat tiring, but it was good to hang out with everyone at church. I don’t think I need to eat for a week, though….seems like our hangouts always involve food. Greasy food. But it was a blast! Mellow Mushrooming was actually a breeze for once. Usually they are so busy in that restaurant that our group always ends up a bit cranky, but not last night. It was all laughter. Well, except for when threats about dogs got out of hand. Hannah, we are sorry! We really do love your dog!!
I was way excited about how the song went Sunday morning. Chris Pugh rocks. He came right in and added his funk, and I really just love having a band to play with. They are so so talented, and it was an honor to put it all together with them. We put the words on the screen this time. Got a lot of good feedback about that. But honestly, I was really encouraged by how many of the older generations enjoyed the song. Typically when we have full bands play in our “Big Church” on Sunday mornings, there are complaints about the noise levels. We do need to be more sensitive with those whose ears are not accustomed to those levels. Anyhow, I received a lot of great feedback about the song (thanks, Phil Wickham, for writing such an impactful song) as well as the overall sound.
My dad and brother encouraged me a lot this weekend. I’m so blessed to have them. I prayed for that guidance…..and God provided.
However this morning I woke up very distraught. Guess Satan just couldn’t let me come out of the weekend having me uplifted. His counteraction was cruel. I must say.
I’m gonna be really honest. Like, starkly honest for a moment on here. I hope I don’t regret it. But I want you youth (adults too) out there to know that your minds are gonna be attacked. Whether it’s the level of stress or sickness or circumstances beyond your control, those of you who serve Almighty God are not going to have it easy. It is a GREAT, full life, but it is not all butterflies and confetti. There are times when you are going to doubt everything you have ever put your faith in. You may end up questioning your existence and whether or not you want to live. Discouragement is one of Satan’s favorite tactics, I do believe. Why? Because if we are discouraged enough, we will loose our fight and our will to tell others the good news of salvation.
Here I am starkly honest. Sometimes I think that everything I have ever put effort into is pointless and has been a waste of my breath. Sometimes I look at my neices and think that I will never ever have a child of my own, and it makes me so heartsick my empty womb hurts. Sometimes people joke to me about my “old age” and it hurts so much b/c I fear all my dreams are past their prime. Sometimes I have dreams like the one last night and wonder if I will ever get married. Sometimes I am so lonely that it doesn’t matter if I’m surrounded by people, they cannot hear me screaming inside for understanding. Sometimes I just don’t trust God with my life. At all. Sometimes I wonder if He really cares.
All of that above is what I’ve been dealing with in my mind. But it is NOTHING, I mean NOTHING compared to the truth. If anything, if I look realistically in my past, I see all the ways God has been proving to me His amazing love and faithfulness for me. No matter what kind of bull Satan throws into my emotions or thoughts, I know without a doubt in the deepest part of me that OUR GOD REIGNS and that JESUS IS OUR SAVIOUR. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Even live and breathe and think beyond all these doubts inside of me. Satan cannot conquer the power of God in our lives….we are children of God and we are claimed by HIM!