Today is my grandmother’s birthday. Happy Birthday, Grandma!!!
On my way to work this morning (btw, I’m amazingly awake even though I had a late night of babysitting) I pondered my life and my goals and asked God to, well, help. There are so many things I just don’t know how to handle.
Upon that, I got scared. I’m at the point I always come to where I drop the ball. In my head and heart are a heap of ideas and plans. And I start most of them. But I rarely take them (or allow them to go) to the level where they “flourish”.
Let me go over a few examples. My book. My musical. My other book. My teaching career. My romantic relationships. My other book. My office career. My traveling. My other book. My singing career.
This CD project is huge. Maybe not in the world, but in my world. I’m on the edge of leaping. Sure, I’ll send off this packet to INO. I’ll probably send off a few others. I always take things to the point where I think I’ve done all that I can. Then I wait. And wait. And wait.
Or I give up and throw it all out. Or it sits in my drawer collecting moth ball stench. So this morning I was praying that God would enable me to have the courage to leap and take the next steps (setting up gigs and performing in general).
I have been aware that I do not take it all to the next level because I am so fearful of failure. If I “do all I can do and no one helps me or pushes me to the next step”, I give up.
So I cannot keep this up. This is an awful habit. One I must break now, or I will end up regretting too much. God, help me.