This morning I took a drive. I was to meet my brother at his in-laws to pick up some stuff I left over at his house yesterday, but as I drove I found the streets mostly empty. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. Honestly, it upset me, though. Made me feel like the only one in the world. Most everyone who normally travels those roads are somewhere with their parents or children. I am truly blessed with my family, but as each year passes I find Christmas more and more saddening.
It’s not because I’m older and the gifts of my youth are no longer existent. It’s not because I lack the understanding or appreciation of Christmas. Without a doubt, it is the lack of a husband and children in my own life. More and more I long that God would bless me with a man I can work, travel, and dream with. Ah, well.
I guess I’ll just have to keep on this path ahead of me. There’s much to do! Something about the holidays and celebrating Jesus with family and the new year ahead brings about this melancholy and fervent prayer in my heart. God, move me ahead without regret. God, do not let us lose hope. God, do not forget our loneliness. God, let us not settle out of fear.