Just got done watching some movie.  Don’t know what it was called.  It doesn’t matter, really.  I missed the first part.  Doesn’t matter either.  I know what it was about. 

“Why are running?  For the team.  How do we win?  Together.”  That is how it ended.  Those were the last words.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this morning. 

Do you feel connected with the world around you?  Sometimes I feel like somehow my life is interlaced with everyone around me and if they tug I fall.  Somedays I am strong enough to withstand the pull and other days I am the one tugging and pulling them down.

Other times I think of myself like a pin in a bowling rink.  Sometimes the ball hits me and other times another pin hits me.  Either way I have risk of a fall. 

I went through a time in my life where I despised those “societal systems.”  I have cause.  Whether I’ve been the victim, the offender or the witness, the whole thing seems to suck.  I’ve been apart of so many falls that you would think I would be numb.  I am not.  Regardless, the truth remains that our actions, reactions, and words affect the world around us.  Even our silence affects it. 

We fall.  It’s inevitable.  As humans we are destined to it.  My previous entry was a song I wrote….a music video.  God’s response to our falls is grace through Jesus Christ’s sacrifice.  That’s the good news.  That’s the rescue.  That’s what those of us as “followers of Christ” are bid to share. 

But this morning I am daftly disappointed in the church.  As a collective individual, that is.  There are congregations and individuals that pursue God and His mission.  That is the recompense in my disappointment.  However, I am faced with  a situation that baffles me to utmost sadness:  predestination. 

Not in the way the church necessarily teaches it.  That is not really what I am talking about.  I’m talking about speaking life and death into people and situations.  I’m talking about that “connection with the world.”  One can survive only so long without that connection.  I’m not debating that.  I don’t want to dive into that.  Today I am blogging because I want to shift the world’s view.  I want the church to understand its impact on the individuals it houses. 

I was told today that an organization from within the church informed my mother years ago that I probably loved whom I loved because I had “low self-esteem.”  Now, let me ask, who does not have low self-esteem?  Who can honestly say that they have not questioned their worth at some point in their life?  Wait, I am getting away from my point.  That information put a spin on the way my mother viewed me and my relationship with that person. 

*Sigh.*  Everyone falls.  Everyone should come to a point where he or she acknowledges who they are in Christ.  Christ puts quite a spin on the vision you see in the mirror.  However, when the world (including the church) spits on you, calls you names, predetermines your destiny, psycho-analyzes you to shreds, and rejects you despite who you are in Christ…..

it makes that mirror and that acknowledgement and that “self-esteem” really difficult.  I am an offender.  I am a victim.  And I am a witness.  God, forgive me for my sin.  God, help us see each other through Your grace.  God, restore our team.


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