Ugh, today I am cranky. Honestly. My heart is SO disappointed in some people right now…and disappointed that some are not going to be able to make it tomorrow for this, that, or the other. I’m praying for peace about it. Having a hard time letting this one go. It hurts.
Last night I watched some informational tv which gave me a headache. Do you ever sit and ponder how some people create or think up the things they do? Like there was this commercial and there was this guy talking about how he makes miniature buildings and architecture and stuff….I CANNOT imagine how one even goes about doing that. It’s just beyond me. I mean, I’m talking from scratch. How does one go about some of these things? I know, I’m insane. I sit around sometimes and try to figure out things that I know little to nothing about. Oh well. Gotta stop. Just gives me a headache.
Guess if I REALLY wanted to know I’d seek help. Or ask someone who knows about these “beyond me” things. Guess it’s “the easiest” solution to avoid it or try to figure it out on my own. Oh but the headache of it all….
Whew, anyhow. My concert is tomorrow. I’m not nervous. I just am not in the right mind set. Not yet, at least. I have the WORST time dealing with rude remarks. And when it is in some way connected to something that I’m doing or have planned or people that I hold dear etc, it cuts beyond the knife you have already placed in my chest.
But this is not about me. I must remind myself. I am the messenger. But it’s my emotion and my perspective and my style. Guess that’s the part that just hurts. This music IS me. I’m changing and growing and maturing and with is so will my music, but no matter where I am in the process, your daggers still cut my heart. It’s all I can do to not be done with you. Here I am needing to pray for your maturing and your healing and your own peace, yet all I can think of at this moment is how much I just wish you would go away. Or how I can at least pry myself out of your reach.
God, give me rest about this. Please do not let me be consumed with hatred. I am not worthy of your smile.