This morning I had a conversation with God. It was not flowery or well-thought out. You probably would have been a little shocked if you had heard it, and no “Amen” from your lips would have followed. There was a little bit of screaming and a lot of crying involved. I needed my Abba Father, and all I wanted was to let Him know how much. This is how my prayer time has been recently with God: a lot of spilling of my guts with candid and emotional fervor. I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed lately. It’s not that I have too much to do. It just seems like there has been one problem after another in my family’s life. Most of the the problems are mere annoyances, but with the “big stuff” in the mix, it just seems like we take a big breath and another problem starts. I wonder, is this how it is for everyone? Is life truly just a constant whirlwind of difficult inhaling and exhaling? Through it all, however, I see the very clear Presence of my Creator and Sustainer. For this, I am grateful, and because of this, life is worth living. It is not always easy, but I know God has great purpose for us.
In times of distress and frustration, making music to thank God and praise Him for His goodness helps me hit reboot in my heart and mind. No matter how bad I am feeling or how many obstacles are thrown my way, I do not want anything to prevent my rejoicing and worshiping of my Provider. I have not always understood why God placed me where He did, or why He allowed some of the circumstances in my life, but I know that God is good. I know that He has brought me out of impossible and heartbreaking situations. I know that He is my amazing future and my sustaining present. How could I stop giving Him thanks for all that He has done? How could I let any annoyance or any uncertainty prevent me from worshipping Him with all that my heart can express?
As a worship leader, I sometimes feel a lot of pressure to please the congregation. This week in one of my conversations with God, these words came to me so clearly from the Holy Spirit, “Andria, I ONLY want you to please me. Show Me your gratefulness, sing me your love songs, play the piano with the passion you have for Me. I want you to lead others to Me with your heart. Prepare the team and give it your all. If the people want to praise me, they will. You are not accountable to me for their choices. I don’t want you to give up even if they do. Give them the opportunity to join you. Lead by example.” Instantly, my heart felt relief. The God who loves us beckons all of us to a life of worship of Him and a life of conversation with Him. It is HIS desire that we trust Him and serve Him. This is His calling for all mankind. If you have accepted God’s salvation and have chosen to follow Him, don’t let the rocks cry out louder than you. Don’t let the distractions sway you from His Presence. Don’t allow others’ choices to squelch your passion for Him. God has not left you and has not given up on you, and He has purpose for YOU in His kingdom. You may not see it yet, you may not understand it yet, but God does not guide us aimlessly.
This morning as I bore my heart to my Comforter, I asked one simple request. I asked to find the missing pieces to my husband’s broken guitar. I cried as I searched and told my 2 year old son that we needed to keep looking and not give up. I thought I had searched every spot and came up empty. My heart sunk as I thought it may be gone forever. I went on to work on preparing the music for Sunday. Then, after about 45 minutes, I was putting a folder on a stand and saw a small, shiny object where I had already looked. It was a circle, just like my husband said it would be. There was one more piece missing. I searched the area again and found it. I don’t know why I missed it the first time around, but I am relieved and pray that these two pieces will fit my husband’s guitar and that he will be able to fix it.
I know that God does not always answer our requests the way we hope. We don’t always find the missing pieces. Not every endeavor is successful. Sometimes the healing that comes, comes in a way that is more eternal or spiritual. And sometimes, the answers we hope for occur, but years later. Whatever obstacles you are facing today, don’t stop talking to God. Don’t withold your praise. Don’t give up on Him, for He has not given up on you. Share everything with Him. He created you, and He knows your body, your heart, your desires, your future better than you do. When Jesus instructed the disciples on how to pray, he didn’t say we had to say it with our eyes closed or with our voices soft or at the foot of our beds or in the confines of the pulpit. Bear your soul to your Creator, friends, however you need to do it. Dance, shout, sing, scream, drum, strum, pound with your heart, knees to the ground, jumping up and down, curled in a ball, soft as a feather, standing still, bent over a drill or while on your mobile with a friend or family member. Whatever you do, do it for God’s glory. Whatever you do, don’t wait til you are breathing your last breath because God has so much release from your grasp.