My Dream Catcher

This morning I was thinking about what it’s like when the thing you had dreamed about…but never really could visualize…starts to become reality. The moment it begins to develop, the clamp which was on your heart releases, and suddenly you are walking in the sun. Your heart burns in a different way. Ache shifts into radiance. The building up into this sweet, fruitful garden can produce all kinds of excitement. Suspense, anticipation, dread, and anxiety. Sometimes the goodness can shock us. We may not believe it exists.

Once upon a time I searched and searched for that “thing.” That dream. I poured my life into it. My family walked alongside me also pouring their energy and heart into the journey. And then one day, I knew it was changing. Many lessons learned, many pinnacles reached, many new relationships, but I knew change was inevitable. However, some changes come in unexpected ways.

When I gave God my heart, I do not think I realized following Him meant He would direct my dreams. I hoped He would protect me as He used me for His glory, for sure. I hoped that God would provide. I trusted Him, but I did not comprehend how my trust in God would be so very tested. Sometimes, I wonder if some tests were to train me and prepare me for what lay ahead. Only Yah knows. But other times, those tests were definitely because I did not like the way things were going. There were moments I seriously doubted myself as well as God’s intentions.

When the thing that you love so greatly and had to trust God so greatly to walk into throws a curveball, it shakes you. You wonder if every prayer, every step, every lesson, every ache was all for nothing. You start wondering if your perspective had been skewed all along. Doubt invades and your heart collapses. This dream implosion has happened more than once in my life. However, the relationship God had developed with me proved to be my safety net. He always provided a way through…always a place to peacefully rest and gain my strength again. And I have learned another lesson: God is my dream catcher.

When I was younger I had a pretty dream catcher. It was cool looking, but it was not actually useful. I just liked it as a reminder of the One who really watched over the unconscious stuff that entered my head. I had many horrific dreams as a child…even into adulthood. My mom always came in my room to soothe me when I would awaken upset from nightmares at home. She taught me how to tell the enemy to go away…how to rid the room of anything evil that was trying to torment me. “In Jesus’ name, go away, Satan!” I would speak out loud fiercely while not too loud to waken anyone else. As a child of God, I learned at an early age that power of God. Sometimes I feared the devil more than God, honestly. But when God showed up….every single time….I knew Who was more fear-worthy. God’s presence and authority were overwhelming while also fully peace-giving.

Dream catchers were meant to catch every dream, trapping the bad and harmful ones while filtering the wonderful dreams through the threads so they would slide down the feathers into the sleeper. The bad dreams were destroyed and burned by the daylight. This has been what God has done for me throughout my life: filtering my dreams and helping me rid my life of the ones that were not good. I have been stubborn, though. Sometimes I pursued paths that were not good. However, every time I reached out for my Creator, His hand was already there. He was ready to direct my steps and filter my dreams again.

Obedience can be really difficult. We struggle with it all of our lives. We can even struggle to obey our own desires. The gravity of sin really tries to pull us down and immobilize us. A few years ago, I was walking in a radiant dream, but the path was changing. I knew the dream was being filtered. It was painful. I walked down the hall in my house and heard the Lord say as clearly as the voice of another person, “You must be ready to let it go and walk away.” I fell to the floor and sobbed. I dropped everything I was holding in my hands. For hours afterwards, I convinced myself that it was all in my head. I convinced myself that it would not come to that. Surely now was not the time. But circumstances quickly made it clear that it was the time. God said to go, and I left with peace and pain. Every piece of my heart was caving in. Thankfully, I did not have to walk that path alone. God provided amazing support through incredible people.

Recently, I was watching the new Mighty Ducks Gamechangers, and over and over again, I ended up drenched in tears. You see, Gordon Bombay was once a hockey coach. He resisted the gig at the beginning…back in the original Mighty Ducks movie. He had all the wrong ideas and dreams, but he then realized that coaching was where he shined. It was not an easy path, and there were some tough challenges. But he grew into a great coach. Then in one of his coaching positions, he was looking out for a kid who wanted to be part of the team…and he got fired due to politics. His heart broke. He couldn’t go through it again. The politics destroyed his dream. He shifted gears and owned an ice skating rink. Then a woman with a child came to him needed his rink for hockey. I will not give every part of this show away, but a conversation he had with that woman really hit me hard. She asked him why he hated hockey. He said, no…he LOVES hockey. Do you think he ends up coaching again? I guess we will see….still watching to learn. And that is exactly where I have been.

I LOVE leading worship teams. It is one of the very few positions in my life where I knew I was right where God wanted me. It was a dream I completely fought God on. I kept telling God to catch that one and destroy it, but He continued to filter it through and let my heart begin to find joy in it. Then He told me to step into it when there was a need. Then He carried me through some difficult seasons. Then He told me to let it go. The enemy has worked hard on me. I have second guessed so much. I am still weary. I am still aching from the change. I was so scared to step back into even serving on a worship team. I have prayed so hard about that. Every time I am scheduled, suggest anything, sing, my heart is tugged. God keeps filtering that dream through, but I am so resistant. I am just not sure I can do it again. I am struggling as I pray to know if God is holding me back or if I am letting the enemy crush my spirit. Believe me, I am seeking for God’s best and asking that He open my eyes.

Sunday, God gave me some great peace about where I am, though. In fact, every day this week, something has provided a confirmation that my family and I are exactly where He needs us. I have learned that when I give God my heart, I give Him the authority to move me as He needs. I have often wondered why He allowed my heart to hope in different areas, but I think He is showing me that He does this because some things are not yet decided. I have the freedom to choose…I can resist His direction and His instruction. I can choose to keep my heart cold and locked away so that the tug of God’s pull is muted…but what would I become? Dare to hope…it is definitely a more vulnerable position…but it is not a weak position. When God is the dream catcher, hope is not wasted. When God is my dream catcher, authority is in His powerful control. His filter is perfect and perfectly timed. I am yours, Lord. I am scared, but I am daring to hope again. Guide me as you will.