I am a musician: I love to sing and play the piano. It is how I express SO much. It is one way I share the good news of Jesus Christ and it is my favorite form to give praise, worship and glorify the Heavenly Father. It is a tactic I use to work through frustration and extinguish worry. It is a tool I use to defeat the lies of the enemy and squash doubts that invade my mind. Making music, specifically music about or to the Creator of my being, feels like breathing sometimes. It brings in the good stuff and pushes out the bad stuff. It is more than an art form to me.
As a musician, I pursue excellence with it. I am SERIOUSLY not perfect. Yeah, I studied voice and got my degree and took years and years of lessons. I have practiced my life away and gotten experience in a pretty decent variety of musical styles and settings. However, I cannot claim to know it all or to have a pristine record of flawless performances. I make mistakes, but my heart pours out every time. Whatever the legacy I leave making music, my highest hope is that it will be clear why I sang, Who held my heart, and that all the glory and honor should go to the Almighty for anything good.
Can I tell you a secret, though? Well, it won’t be a secret when I publish this. I care about how I sound. I care about what you think of me. I worry about not being good enough. I cringe and beat myself up when I hit that bad note or choose to do something that was not necessarily the best for the moment. I care, yes, mostly because I want Jesus to shine so brightly…I don’t want my mess-ups to be distracting. BUT, I am also a little vain. I have been a lot vain at times in my life. There have been days where my focus was so wholely diverted from God’s accolades that shame washes over me when I recall those moments. Oh dear. It is easy to lose purpose…easy to slip into practicing envy and self-gratification.
Lately, I have been considering it so much especially with my kids with their level of contentment as they adjust to being homebound and possible upcoming food shortages. It also has me contemplating how we adults are responding to the current situation at hand: the pandemic that is COVID-19. It is hard to watch the news or even scroll the Facebook most days. At the beginning of all this, it seemed we were all scrambling to re-stabilize while protecting people and also accessing the resources we needed. But as days turned to weeks, that sneaky Keeping Up with the Joneses bug started to infect just as quickly as the Rona. The ultimate purpose of some of it was really great. Entertainers desired a way to keep entertaining while staying at home. News stations needed a way to keep sharing the news while being quarantined. Church congregations desired a way to keep connected with their pastors and Sunday School teachers so the gospel and other Biblical teaching could continue to be shared. People sought a distraction from the gloom. The government started updating us daily with how our country would navigate us through and offer assistance. Then the ugly started showing up. The greed. The envy. The boasting. The ulterior motives. It is a quick, slippery slope from good purpose into (sometimes unintentional) messy messages and negative effects.
People cannot always see the heart. I am SOOOOOO grateful that God can since He is ultimately the most honorable, just and loving judge. He knows every intention, and He offers the grace and mercy we so desperately need. Because we all get lost. We all stray from time to time. Sometimes we need a bit of direction, though, just like my kids who can get whiny/angry when they don’t get their way or greedy/envious even though they have so much.
May we continue to find perspective through the lens of God’s Word, Jesus’ sacrifice, and the Holy Spirit’s guidance. May we serve with excellence while we walk humbly and gratefully with our God. His mercies are new every morning.
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